What We're Loving Lately

Hi there!  Long time, no post.  I figured it is time for a "what we're loving lately" write-up:

1. Me Reader
For her birthday, Rhett and I got Charlotte the Disney Princess Me Reader, an electronic reader (like a tablet) that reads any one of eight books to her.  We also got a Disney Jr. set from friends.  There is a symbol on each page of the books and when you press the correct character and symbol on the tablet, the reader tells you what it says on the page.  Both girls LOVE the books and, oddly, the voice on the Me Reader.  I love the fact that I can eat a bowl of Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Stars while someone else reads to them.  It's outsourced parenting at its finest!

2. Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Stars
I'm going to be honest and say I hide these from my children because they are too good to share.

3. Back to Basics for Skin Care
I was at the dermatologist a couple of weeks ago and, at the end of my appointment, received some recommendations on skin care.  Are they recommending the latest $100 eye cream and $150 moisturizer from some insanely expensive brand?  Nope!  My dermatologist's practice recommends Cetaphil cleanser and cream moisturizer.  A friend of mine who goes to the same practice also said they like Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair.  I was shocked!  I've bought a $50 eye cream or two but I won't again.  For now I'm sticking with Cetaphil and Vaseline!  The Cetaphil cream moisturizer has been especially awesome as a body lotion.  Apparently the cream is a better and longer lasting moisturizer--who knew?

4. Cooking with Kids
A sweet friend gave Charlotte a princess-themed cookbook for her birthday and it has been so fun to use with the girls!  The recipes are actually good and...drumroll please...they are trying new things!  We're going to bring it to Salem for Christmas so we can make a couple of treats for Rhett's family.

5. Cate's Stocking
After eight months of stitching, and two months of my mom prepping and sewing, I finally completed Cate's needlepoint stocking.  Ta da!

You can't tell in the picture, and allow me to geek out over needlepoint for a sec (who am I??????), but I got to use some really cool threads and stitches on this.  Oh my gosh, did I really just say that?  The point is, this is the first needlepoint project I am really proud of.  Charlotte and I already have our eye on her stocking canvas.  We just have to wait for the after-Christmas sale.  It's a Noah's Ark design with a purple whale (favorite color), a zebra, and an alligator (favorite animals).  We love it!

Loving Three

When Cate was approaching her third birthday, I looked upon the day with some dread.  Three seemed like such an "in-between" age.  Turning two meant stepping completely out of the baby phase and leaving total dependence behind.  Four seemed O-L-D and like the first step toward Kindergarten.  But three?  What was great about turning three?

As with so many things with regard to parenting, I was just flat-out wrong and had to learn with experience.

Three is awesome!  It's my favorite age so far.  Three means being able to articulate real feelings. Three is rapid learning of ideas and concepts.  Three is moving toward independence, but still total faith in your mom and dad.  Three is complete sweetness without any of the "mean girl" stuff that is sure to come later.  Three is huggable.  Three is kind.  Three is counting everything.  Three is telling jokes.  Three is making your parents laugh out loud.  Three is funny.  It's good to be three.

Now that Charlotte is three, she is able to answer the birthday questions that Cate has done for the past few years:

Favorite Color :: Purple
Favorite Toy :: Elsa Barbie
Favorite Fruit :: Strawberries
Favorite TV Show :: Paw Patrol
Favorite Movie :: Minnierella
Favorite Thing to Wear :: Purple sparkly dress from Yaya
Favorite Animals :: Zebras and Alligators
Favorite Song :: Let it Go
Favorite Book :: Frozen
Best Friends :: Cecelia and Emma
Favorite Snack :: Pretzels
Favorite Drink :: Lemonade
Favorite Breakfast :: Pancakes
Favorite Lunch :: Grilled cheese
Favorite Dinner :: Noodles
Favorite Game :: Chutes and Ladders
Favorite Thing to do Outside :: Swings and slides
Favorite Holiday :: Halloween
What Do You Sleep With At Night :: Little Minnie and Pink Blanket
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up :: Minnie Mouse

Love you, Charlotte Angel!

Filling Our Time

And just like that, it's mid-October and it feels like the year is drawing to an end.  In many ways, I will be happy to close the books on 2014, but we've had tons of fun too, and this fall has been just great!

The girls LOVE school.  Love is actually an understatement.  Cate told me that she wants to live at school, as in, be in kindergarten all the time, every second of every day.  Charlotte cries on Thursdays and Fridays when she doesn't have preschool.  So, I guess my job here is done??!?  While it's a little sad they're so attached to school, it's also totally wonderful.  I'm so happy that they are happy.

We've done all the fall "things" like going apple picking and visiting the pumpkin patch.  The girls have been invited to a bunch of parties, one of which had a special guest appearance by none other than Queen Elsa from Frozen.  I'm not exaggerating when I say it was one of the top three greatest moments of Charlotte's life, just behind 1) Being Born and 2) Seeing Minnie Mouse at Disney on Ice and smiling so brightly that I immediately burst into tears.

This is so random, but I've also tried a bunch of really good recipes lately that were so delicious I feel like I need to tell the world about them.  Go make these NOW:

Southwest Salad with Cilantro Lime Dressing
Homemade Cheez Its
Kale and White Bean Soup (use canned beans--the dried ones make me gag)
Banana and Chocolate Chip Muffins (skip the walnuts, cinnamon chips, and butter rum/coconut flavoring)

My other project has been making Halloween costumes.  Cate decided on being a Monarch butterfly (??!?) but she wanted to be one that was pink.  Charlotte jumped on that bandwagon faster than you can say "wings" so I've been working on some custom costumes at home.  I still have to make some tutu skirts but the wings are done.  Here is a preview:

I hope everyone has been having a fun fall!  We've been trying our best to stay busy :)

Fresh Start

I've never looked forward to the end of summer but the start of the school year has been a breath of fresh air around here.  Our summer was so fun, but both girls were very eager to start school and I could not wait to get all of the past miscarriage stuff behind me.  September felt like a big milestone and one I was more than a little relieved to reach.

Thankfully, my surgery was exactly what I needed to get over the latest miscarriage.  I remember, back in July, telling Rhett over and over, "I don't even care about being pregnant or having a baby, I just want to be NORMAL again!"  And finally, mercifully, I can say that I am back to normal.

Getting back to my old self meant I could begin fertility testing.  I have such a new appreciation for the struggles that women go though.  My clinic e-mails out couples' stories periodically and they have opened my eyes to some pretty amazing journeys.  We're talking women in their early 30s with no healthy eggs left, women who go through endless cycles of IVF, women with cancer.  In short I realized my life ain't that bad.

The testing all came back pretty normal.  The only things that were off were not big deals--one of my hormone levels is slightly high and I carry a genetic blood clotting disorder.  How much either one of those things has affected past pregnancies is highly debatable.  Should I wish to try again, my doctor has suggested taking some over the counter and prescription medications that may support a healthy pregnancy.  The drugs come with very low risks so there aren't any big reasons not to take them.

I feel extremely laid back about getting pregnant and no longer feel a push to make it happen.  This is a very comfortable place to be.  I should have known the whole time that I'm not in control, but it was difficult for me to live that way.

Cate was also thrilled to reach September.  She started at a little church-based Kindergarten on September 2.  There are eight kids in her class, and she has half days Monday and Friday.  They have circle time, singing, dancing, and music just like at preschool.  But now she's also doing science, computers, Spanish, etc.  Kindergarten isn't what I remember--she already knows the difference between a parallelogram and a rhombus.  I wasn't ready to be confused by her math worksheets for at least a few years.  If she comes home talking about asymptotes, I will just throw in the towel now.

Regardless, she is happy, having fun, and eager to learn.  This is all Rhett and I can hope for!

If Cate was thrilled about Kindergarten, Charlotte's excitement was at a fever pitch to start preschool. She's at Cate's old preschool and so happy.  Her school bag, her cubby, the classroom, the playground--she marvels at it all.  Charlotte loves her teachers so much, when she sees them, she starts jumping up and down.  Here's a little video I took of her the other day:

Here's to fresh starts!

The Genius of Dr. Seuss

The girls and I were at the library this week and let me tell you, the kid's section has been gutted.  I guess every mom is a liiiiittle short on activities now that summer is winding down because our regional library has gone from thousands upon thousands of children's books to about twelve.  One book that was there was "Oh the Places You'll Go.''  Cate has never read it, and I grabbed it thinking it would be appropriate given that she starts Kindergarten in less than a month. <--- WHAT????!?

Everyone can agree that Dr. Seuss is amazing but, reading that book to the girls today, I was struck at how applicable "Oh the Places You'll Go" can be to anyone.  From the book:

"You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.  You'll be left in a lurch.
You'll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then, that you'll be in a Slump.
And when you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
...
You can get so confused that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across wierdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...for people just waiting.
...
NO!  That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping, once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky,
Ready because you're that kind of guy!"

Maybe I'm just looking for optimism, inspiration, and hope wherever I can find it, but I was reading that book with the widest grin on my face.  Thank you, Dr Seuss.

Five

Five years ago I was blissfully tired and enjoying my newborn baby Cate.  Fast forward to today and I can't believe what she's become.  The way she looks, talks, behaves, laughs, asks questions, and talks some more is no surprise because I've watched the progression.  But if you'd shown me her five-year-old self all those years ago, I would have been in complete shock.  And I would have been so proud.

Here is her five-year-old questionnaire:

Favorite Color :: Pink and yellow
Favorite Toy :: My Little Pony Wedding Castle
Favorite Fruit :: Watermelon
Favorite TV Show :: My Little Pony
Favorite Movie :: Tangled
Favorite Thing to Wear :: Pink Disney princess dress
Favorite Animal :: Cat
Favorite Song :: I Want to be Like Jesus (from Vacation Bible School)
Favorite Book :: Ocean
Best Friend :: Vivian and Taffe
Favorite Snack :: Peanuts
Favorite Drink :: Milk
Favorite Breakfast :: Pancakes
Favorite Lunch :: Chips, carrots, peppers, and apples
Favorite Dinner :: Noodles
Favorite Game :: UNO
Favorite Thing to do Outside :: Ride my bike and Razor scooter
Favorite Holiday :: Christmas
What Do You Sleep With At Night :: Yellow Blanket
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up :: A mommy

The Sting That Won't Go Away

I just returned today from the hospital where I finally had to give in and have surgery to end the latest miscarriage.  It nearly killed me to have to relent, but after three months, where for so long I thought if I could just hold out a few more days and it would be over, it was time to put it all to bed.  Oh, it was time.

It felt like a familiar routine; a bizarre Groundhog Day--checking in at the intake desk, waiting in that little room with the TV that seems to exclusively show odd commercials and the weather report, going back to the prep area, seeing the same nurses who also now think I look familiar, being wheeled back to the OR where I slowly black out, coming to and, finally, after fasting for most of the day, eating Snackwells vanilla sandwich cookies.  I have a love/hate relationship with those treats now--they make me feel so much better, but I hate that I'm there, in the hospital recovery area, eating them again.

My hope is to finally get over it all--mentally and physically--but I'm worried that is still a long time coming.  Pregnancy and babies surround me.  Even people I know very well, who are at least somewhat clued into what I've got going on, make comments that sting...badly.  Stories about pregnancy and comments about babies flow easily and I wonder, does anyone pause and think for just a second?

To be fair, I am waaaaaay over sensitive right now and no one is inside my head.  It's unrealistic for all pregnancy images and conversation to be withheld.  It's not that I'm not happy for anyone who is pregnant--I AM--I just want to treat it carefully, and have people discuss it in the same way they'd talk about religion and politics with a stranger--treading lightly.  If I was pregnant surely I'd want to spread the joy that is expecting a baby--talking about it, posting on Instagram, etc.  So there is no blame that I want to dish out.  No one has done anything wrong.  Selfishly, it's just...hurtful and sad.  Sadness has crept into my bones.

One day I will get over the whole thing, and I am appreciative to have the perspective this has all given me.  Right now it's raw though and some of the stings run deep.

For Your Protection

Another of my "due dates" has come and gone, and I find myself having made absolutely no progress in the past couple of months.  Two doctors have zeroed in on one potential problem, a blood clotting issue which is a result of a genetic disease that I carry, but there is nothing conclusive and I'm in a holding pattern before I can take more tests.

I know all that sounds so boring, and, believe me, I wish I could just step away from the whole issue for awhile.  It seems I'm constantly recounting the past or aching for the future.

Randomly checking Facebook today, however, I saw a post by "Turtle Power for James Edwards."  This is a page that's been started by the friends and family of not quite two-year-old James who very nearly drowned in his family's swimming pool a couple of weeks ago.  His parents were at the hospital with James' brand new baby brother and James was under the care of a family member at the time of the incident.

James is ok but he's had a ton of problems and he is a long way from fully recovering.  The doctors have confirmed some brain damage, and they just aren't sure how things will end up.  Talk about a heart-wrenching situation.

Today James' mom, Jenna, posted about a gift she received from his aunt, a kid's devotional titled "Jesus Calling for Kids" by Sarah Young.  Jenna posted about the devotional's page for today, June 27, entitled "For Your Protection."  It really struck me.

For Your Protection

"Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."

Psalm 143:8

Some days are long and tough.  So stop and rest with Me for awhile.  Don't worry about what's ahead.  Don't think about the past or future.  Just focus on right here and right now--with Me.

I created time to protect you.  Because I am timeless, I can see your entire life from beginning to end--all at the same time.  But I knew that you couldn't bear to see your whole life all at once.  So I created time to hide your future from you, to protect you.

You can do nothing about the past, so just let it go.  You cannot know the future so just put it aside.  Meet me here and now--in this moment of time.  Trust that I am with you watching over you wherever you go.

So I think I'm going to stay in the here and now from now on.  Here's what mine looks likes when I open up my eyes and enjoy:

Hope Springs Eternal

One of my favorite quotes is "Hope springs eternal."  Isn't it true?  Ask any sports fan after their team has lost, anyone who has ever been dealt a blow.  There is always hope for tomorrow.

Today I received a ray of hope by way of a friend of a very good friend of mine.  This friend of a friend has been in my shoes and had some very good counsel to pass along.

I have no idea what the future holds, and this could really be it for babies.  But maybe not--I've got an appointment with a top DC doctor and perhaps they will be able to make sense of all the miscarriages.  This isn't something I'm going to pursue for years.  Rather, I want to see if a specialist can find a problem.  I want to do my research and give it another go if that makes sense.  We'll see what happens and I'll chronicle new developments on my blog.

In the meantime, I've started exercising again, I'm going to serve as Chair on the preschool parents committee, and I want to start hitting up yardsales/Craig's list for furniture and decor finds.  This process has also changed my heart for the better.  I've lost a lot of my severe anxiety and have relaxed a great deal recently.  Compassion, understanding, and empathy--characteristics I never exactly exuded--have settled into my bones.  Most importantly, I'm enjoying my children more than I ever thought possible.

I Will Wait

It happened again.  Enough time had passed and I really thought I was in the clear, but it wasn't to be.

There's been some confusion and lots of sadness.  A good amount of testing beckons at the door.  No anger though, just tears.

My new anthem is this.

I will wait.

Shared Space

On a complete whim, Rhett and I decided to move Charlotte out of her room and into Cate's room yesterday.  This meant ditching the crib and setting up a "big girl" bed for Charlotte.  This will be great, we said.  So easy! we said.  Charlotte takes change like a champ, we said.  Ha.

We'd originally planted the seed of moving Charlotte last year, when we thought we'd have a baby this spring or summer--a baby that would force Charlotte out of the crib whether she liked it or not.  Rhett and I eventually dropped the subject but Cate did not--she really, really wanted Charlotte in her room.  Charlotte, who is content to go along with most things Cate dictates, echoed the desire.

We got our old guest room mattress out of the storage in our garage and whisked Charlotte off to Target to pick out new sheets and a comforter.  In a very strange turn of events she picked a purple chevron design for her sheets and an all-purple quilt (ed. note: not actually strange at all--Rhett called her picks before she even made them).  Rhett rejiggered all the furniture, I moved clothes and prrrrrrresto!  We had a new, shared room complete with two beds, a play table, and a book nook.

So much purple!

Our book nook

 Charlotte was totally thrilled.  Until, that is, bedtime rolled around.  I put them to bed early because neither girl wanted to nap that day and it took me an hour and twenty minutes to get them to sleep.  This included:

• Five requests for tissues
• Two requests for water
• Thirty minutes of Charlotte straight up jumping on her bed and laughing
• Another thirty minutes of Charlotte running into my room
• Lots of giggling (not me)
• Lots of seething (me)
• Some rapid fire googling by Mama 
• Twenty minutes of trying to be like "Super Nanny"

It was all fun and games at bedtime…until I said "goodnight" for the first of 200 times

Charlotte finally gave up at 8:20pm.  I was spent by the end and I am sure it will happen again tonight.  But it's like all transitions, right?  Don't we all think "It will always be terrible!" and then, a week later, we say "that wasn't so bad."  Right now though, I really feel like taking a nap!  Guess who doesn't feel that way though…her name starts with a "C" and ends with a "harlotte."  Ahhhhhh...

Kicking off 2014

…so anyway, where was I?  It feels like the last few months have both creeped along and whizzed by.  All in all, life has been pretty darn good.  Here is how we've kicked off 2014:

One word: SNOW.  It's as if the weather gods realized we are moving to Texas next year and conspired with my children to dump mounds of snow over and over again on Northern Virginia.  I do feel blessed that the girls have gotten so much time in the snow, but I also wouldn't hate it if the temperature here never dropped below 60 for the next, oh, 16 months.

Because of the snow, we've had an abundance of inside time.

So much dress up...

Lots of mornings making pancakes into crazy shapes; this one is a dolphin.  Do you see what I did with the syrup?  The girls think I am a culinary genius.

Tons of mornings acting silly...

…trying out new hairstyles; Cate is our Creative Director in that department...

…making pillow forts...

…plus tons of drawing.  On a daily basis, I am requested required to create multiple princess "templates" that the girls can color.  I am no artist and, therefore, this=a problem.

However, Cate has gotten quite good.  Here is her very own Disney princess--Tiana from The Princess and the Frog.  She did the whole thing by herself and, in my completely unbiased opinion, I thought this drawing was pretty daggone awesome.

We've also been doing daily sessions with Cate's new Magna-Tiles.  She got a set for Christmas and we all completely heart them.  They are different shaped tiles that you can use to build anything--towers, castles, train stations, princess houses, you name it.  

We've never had a toy that everyone loves to play with so much all the time.  They're crazy expensive, but I'd rather have a very nice, sturdy toy that everyone can play with together than five or six plastic toys that get old after a week.  

Not pictured are the HOURS we've spent playing Uno.  Cate is an Uno master and her favorite thing to do these days is beat her mom and dad at the game which she can (and does!) do all the time.  We probably play fifty games over the course of a weekend.  We all love it--except when Cate calls us on having "Uno"--which she does to me regularly.

As a big treat, our family went to Disney on Ice.  Our tickets worth every last penny--the girls loved it so, so much.  In the opening, Mickey, Minnie, and Goofy skate out to welcome the crowd.  Charlotte smiled so hard when she saw Minnie, I immediately burst into tears.  Her cheeks were the roundest they've ever been and she was sooooooo sweet watching the show.  Cate was more reserved because she was studying everything so intently, and she couldn't have had a better time.  And I was just happy that I got to eat a gigantic soft pretzel.  Wins all around!

I also volunteered at a local children's consignment sale last week.  I do this every six months and it is such a highlight for me.  One day, I hope to run my own sale in Texas.  This was the first sale where I wasn't there to shop as well--although I did snag a couple of dresses for Cate.  The one below was her favorite--a tulle flamingo dress--because who can pass something like that up?

And now, I finally feel like I can take a deep breath with spring on the horizon.  Today we visited Frying Pan Park to see some farm animals and a horse show.  The sheep freaked the girls out, but Cate was thrilled to see baby pigs because we just finished up Charlotte's Web.  We had fun deciding which pig was Wilbur.

More to come soon!

Finding Perspective in Suffering

There was once a girl who had a miscarriage.  Then, a few years later, she had another one.  And then another one right after that.  These miscarriages were all very different, very painful, very emotional.  All ended the same way--in a hospital bed with that girl feeling empty and alone.

Except for the first miscarriage which is truly a whole other story in itself, she faced her losses with a loving husband, supportive mother, and the ability to swallow back up the situations without more than a couple of people knowing.  All three losses ate away at her though.

But, after taking a good step back, that girl finally gave each one a lot of thought.  And she read this post.  And she heard one important sermon about why God lets good people suffer.  And she heard "Let it Go" from Frozen and she sang it over and over again--true story.

A million other things happened too and, mercifully, over time her eyes were slowly opened to some things she desperately needed to learn.  These were things she'd heard before, but until going through her suffering, she didn't fully understand them.  But now, she can reflect and find peace in her newly gained perspective.

1. Without suffering, how would we gain experience, understanding, and wisdom?  We couldn't.  It's so easy to coast along during the good times, but without setbacks, our lives would remain shallow.  Romans 5:3-5 says, "We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts."

2. Be kind to everyone and show compassion.  We cannot possibly know what is going on in others' lives.  Truly everyone is fighting their own battles.

3. It's not ok to speculate on and gossip about other women and their fertility and/or possibilities of being pregnant.  The girl learned this the hard way.  One of her friends warned her about this years ago but it wasn't until recently that she matured enough to get it.

4. Unless you have been there/done that and can commiserate with whoever is suffering, often the best kind of sympathy is silent.

5. One woman's fertility is not affected by another's.  Even if it's hard to do so through tear-laced eyes, congratulate those who announce their pregnancy.  Welcome their baby with open arms.  Babies are gifts and miracles.

6. We all still have so much to learn and experience--both good and bad.

7. It is a tough existence to live your life in 30-day cycles.  Take a breath, enjoy the seasons, celebrate happy events, and experience life as a whole.

8. It could always be so much worse.  The girl just read a story today about a sweet four-year-old boy whose parents just found out that the tumor in his brain has tripled in size since the brain surgery he had a couple of weeks ago.  She has heard too many times about women who lost babies at full term, or mothers who gave birth to little ones facing certain death.  Do these situations garner more compassion than a few first trimester miscarriages?  Of course they do.  Compared to some mothers, this girl has it easy.

9. God is good--ALL THE TIME.  We don't need to understand His plan in order to have peace in our lives.  We cannot possibly see the big picture and how our sufferings and losses fit into it, but we can be sure that it's all shaping us to walk down the righteous path.

The girl has made more mistakes than she could ever count and she has stood in direct opposition to each and every one of the things she's listed above.  But she doesn't mourn the past and her lack of perspective.  Rather, she is looking toward the future with her arms stretched out to the heavens above.

Time

"I don't really want more time, I just want enough time.  Time to breathe deep and time to see real and time to laugh long, time to give You glory and rest deep and sing joy and just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done--yesterday."

-Ann Voskamp